It seems that no matter how much time goes by, I still find myself missing my dog Sebastian. Sebastian, nicknamed Basti (Bashi), was the very first dog of my own. I can remember the day me & my best friend went to pick him up, like it was just yesterday. She had found a listing in the newspaper for bulldog puppies, and that is when Basti came into my life. He was naughty, and misbehaved a lot, but he was my baby, by my side through so much. He moved with me from Tallahassee, to Pennsylvania, back to Tallahassee, then to Jacksonville, and finally to Deltona. He was Jayden’s first experience of friendship, and knowing the love and loyalty of a dog.
When I find myself thinking about him, I wonder if I’ll ever stop missing him. It’s not such a painful or sad ache, more like fondly remembering a friend that you haven’t seen or talked to in a few years. I wonder, and worry, if one day, he’ll slip from my mind for good. But then I remind myself that he was a part of my family. I cared for him, day in and day out, from the day I got him until the day he passed away. Dogs are such a huge commitment, and they make wonderfully big impacts on our lives. When you no longer have to think about getting home to feed them, or if they need to be let out, or who will watch them when you go out of town…that affects your life. Dogs are much like children in this case. Being a mom, I feel like I can make that comparison without being judged! And if I lost a family member after 10 years, like I did with Basti, I am certain I would spend the rest of my life missing them. So, it only makes sense that I still miss my Basti boy from time to time. Jayden also speaks of Basti often, which sometimes surprises me considering he was only 3 or 4 when Basti passed way. Jayden is a shy, worrisome, nervous kiddo sometimes, and he always says that when he gets nervous or scared, he likes to think of Basti being by his side, holding his hand, and it makes him feel better.
When Sebastian first passed away, I would often swear that he was right next me, or that I’d hear him walking down the hallway. Whether it was his spirit, or ghost, or just my mind playing tricks on me, who knows. Who am I to say it was or wasn’t him?!
I’ve seen this poem before (see below), and it always makes me sad but happy…if that makes any sense! It makes me miss him, but gives me a little hope that maybe he is still hanging around, seeing that he is still on our minds and in our hearts. Maybe he is by our sides, watching and listening, getting a kick out of the naughty things Oscar does, and the silly antics of Lucy.
I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep.
I could see that you were crying, You found it hard to sleep.
I whined to you softly as you brushed away a tear,
“It’s me, I haven’t left you, I’m well, I’m fine, I’m here.”
I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea,
You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me.
I was with you at the shops today, Your arms were getting sore.
I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more.
I was with you at my grave today, You tend it with such care.
I want to re-assure you, that I’m not lying there.
I walked with you towards the house, as you fumbled for your key.
I gently put my paw on you, I smiled and said ” it’s me.”
You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair.
I tried so hard to let you know, that I was standing there.
It’s possible for me, to be so near you everyday.
To say to you with certainty, “I never went away.”
You sat there very quietly, then smiled, I think you knew…
In the stillness of that evening, I was very close to you.
The day is over… I smile and watch you yawning
and say “good-night, God bless, I’ll see you in the morning.”
And when the time is right for you to cross the brief divide,
I’ll rush across to greet you and we’ll stand, side by side.
I have so many things to show you, there is so much for you to see.
Be patient, live your journey out…then come home to be with me.
Author ~ Colleen Fitzsimmons
Do you love that as much as I do? Do you have a pup from your past that you still think about and miss from time to time? Please share with me! I would love to hear from you, friends! You can also share your stories and pictures with me on Facebook, (HERE)!